There was a discussion on fetlife.com about whether people are open about their lifestyle or not. It was interesting to see all the different responses.
I’m open to all my friends; every one of them. If someone can’t accept and embrace me as I am, then they’re not a friend. It’s that simple to me. I’m an honest, open person; I hate living with deception, so I minimize it whenever socially possible.
I’m not open to my family mainly because they are loving worriers. The idea that I’m out there allowing men to tie me up and hit me would be just too much worry for them. I see no positive purpose in adding that stress to their lives.
Saying that, I’ll qualify and say that, although there’s been opportunities, they’ve never asked, which usually means they have no wish to know. I respect that. In general conversations about sexuality they know I’m completely open-minded, and for the most part so are they. My parents have no issue with people leading whatever live they choose – within legal, ethical boundaries.
At my last job I was pretty private about my personal life. I call that being professional; I don’t want to hear about my co-workers intimate details, so I don’t share. I’m currently back at college, and again have no interest in sharing this private aspect of my life so far.
Should anyone – family, co-worker, school acquaintance – ask me directly whether I’m into kink, then the response will be Do you really want to know? at which point an affirmative gets them the truth.
(Whether they’re ready for it or not, don’t ask if you don’t want to know.)
I’m not ashamed of my lifestyle. I lived through the gay rights movement and shared a lot of tears and heart-aches that were closet-related. I won’t do that to myself.
Closets are for clothes.
I also believe that those of us who can advocate and help educate safely should do so. It’ll make the world a better place, bit by bit.
I don’t believe that my decision is absolutely the best one for everyone. I just know that this is where my ethics takes me personally. Someone elses’s story is going to be different from mine. Their reasons for being open or not, are every bit as valid as mine, even if they don’t make sense to me. I’m not particularly interested in judging people at the best of times.
If you can be open and your life is simpler, happier, because of it, that’s a wonderful thing. I like to imagine a time in the near future where no one has to hide.
I’d call that a better world.
PantheraPardus said,
September 25, 2008 @ 7:10 pm
I’ve talked a little bit about this on Twitter with a few people in the past couple of days.
I’m not open at work, but that’s work. Only a select few of my friends know about my blog, thought quite a few know or suspect that I’m kinkier than the norm. Those circles are expanding the more comfortable I am with myself. *nod*
Robin said,
October 8, 2008 @ 6:25 am
So far, this hasn’t really come up with anyone, although how I’d handle it has crossed my mind. And what you said here is exactly it.
“Should anyone – family, co-worker, school acquaintance – ask me directly whether I’m into kink, then the response will be Do you really want to know? at which point an affirmative gets them the truth.
(Whether they’re ready for it or not, don’t ask if you don’t want to know.)”
I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of my sexuality/sensuality but I’m not going to flaunt it in a way that is not me. I’m naturally shy (in public, not when blogging) and honest. I don’t want to lie if someone asks me a personal question, but I do want to make sure they really know what they’re asking me.
cinful said,
October 8, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
I agree, I think there’s a difference between being proud of who you are and flaunting it. Often those who flaunt it are secretly ashamed.
Thanks for dropping in.
taiah said,
October 15, 2008 @ 10:48 am
I needed to read this post… Sir and I are currently undergoing some frustrations in this regard, which I have blogged about today. “Loving worriers” describes my friends and family exactly.
cinful said,
October 15, 2008 @ 8:14 pm
It’s a difficult decision for anyone to have to make.